i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
