things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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