Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
