'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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