Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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