bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
