My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
