I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
