His pubic hair was longer than his dick
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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