Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize