If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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