Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
