Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
