i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
