census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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