my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
