What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize