Fuck appropriateness.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
