Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
