i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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