The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
