They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
