goodnight i made you a song goodbye
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
