Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Green mimosas i think yes
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
