i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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