Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
