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She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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