is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
