I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
