He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
