dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think i have two assholes
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
