I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
