i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
