I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
