I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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