I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
