So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
