Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
