I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize