I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Alive.
So much puke
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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