why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
