wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
