Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
