She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
