My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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