u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
