i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
