Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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