Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
