she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
