he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
