It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
