Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
