ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
