Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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