I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
