I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize