he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
