I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
