Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The adults are the big ones right?
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