I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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