remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
