so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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