The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
