We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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