I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
