I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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