YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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